Nokia Corporate Office (Burlington, MA)

So, I'm in Burlington for a few days taking a class for work and of course I'm going have to sink a softie at least once while I'm here. Yesterday I took not one, but two shits in the same bathroom! Hook, line, and SINKER (twice). I don't know what got into me, but it sure did come out (if you know what I mean HOHOHO!). But before I take you into the bathroom, let me tell you about something amazing that happened only moments before the great softie. The professor was giving her lecture and said "we will take a shit snapshot." I don't know how she accidentally said shit, but it was amazing. I started laughing softly, trying not too seem like a total immature child and it took a really long time for me to get over it. No one else seemed to be laughing, but maybe that's because they are all over the age of 30. I really don't know. What I do know though, is that I will still think it's funny for a very long time. Ok, so moving on...to the drop zone: the third floor bathroom of the Burlington Nokia Corporate office. I would have to say this is probably one of the most beautiful places I have ever taken a shit. Seriously. This entire building is gorgeous and very well kept up. There are fountains, sculptures, glass walls, fancy-looking people, real living plants, very large tinted windows, and so much more. It's no Glacier National Park, but it's the cream of the DROP as far as buildings go. The third floor bathroom is classy and understated and each stall is more like a tiny deuce dropping dream room (see below). Like I've mentioned before, I really enjoy my privacy while dropping a deuce and these tiny stall rooms meet my every need. I took my shits and I didn't know or care if anyone was in the stall beside me. I highly recommend leaving a softie in this building. It was incredible. I'm having an incredible year.


I now pronounce this month SINKTOBER. "Got 'em."

Razzy's (Somerville, MA)

Last Tuesday I had an operation DUMPbo drop at Razzy's in Somerville. Like The Egg & I, Razzy's has my favorite type of bathroom: the one toilet one roomer. The bathroom is small and very pink and has two charming floral prints framed in gold. Real gold I'm sure, since dive bars really know that spending their money on the bathroom is the most important thing they can doodoo. The bathroom has dim lighting and also a tall mirror so you can watch yourself drop a DUMPbo. The the mirror thing was weird and definitely the worst part of the whole situation. It was almost like having a stranger watch you do the deed. I wouldn't say it was delightful experience, but it wasn't bad. If you can keep your eyes on the prize, I think, like me, you'll feel pretty good about this bathroom experience.

The Egg & I (Hyannis, MA)

Last weekend I went to Hyannis, Massachusetts for the first time. The weather was horrible, but I still had a good time with my friends. "I took a shit once" while I was there and not until the last day. We went out to breakfast to The Egg & I and let me tell you, laying an egg there was not great. I should have known because of the weather. FORESHADOWING. Anyway, at the end of the meal I thought, finally, some alone time in the bathroom (there were a bunch of us staying at a house with 1.5 bathrooms)! As I opened the bathroom door, I was not encouraged. It looked like someone burned the wall at the bottom of each corner and only the corners. The walls were made of yellow and white alternating panels, about 2 feet wide. The texture of the wall was that gross, weird-feeling stuff. You know what I mean, right? Those tiny horizontal stripes? I hated them. Maybe I have something against horizontal stripes. I'm not sure, but it was another unpleasant experience. The ambiance was all wrong and it just didn't feel great. The bathroom pretty much matched the rest of the restaurant though. BO-RING. On the upside, a lady was waiting outside of the bathroom for me to get out. I kind of think it's funny to let an egg hatch right before a stranger uses the bathroom. This sounds contrary to my "being alone while dropping a deuce" thing, but it's a little different. I don't mind someone going in after me when the bathroom is a single and has a loud ventilation system. I just don't like when people are in the same room at the same time while I'm doing it. Does this make sense? I like my eggs being hatched in solitary confinement. You know, like jail. Jello. Jealousy. Jesus. Poop?

Cepstral Robots

This post is not very relevant to poop and yet it TOTALLY IS. Cepstral is a text-to-speech company that "makes realistic synthetic voices that can say anything, anywhere, with personality and style." Walter is wise, William is sophisticated, Amy is a prude, and Linda is downright sassy. But Allison tops them all because she converts the following text to utter gloriousness like no other robot can: "Poopies poopies poopies and crap. And shit and poop and shit. Ha ha poopies. Peepee too. Ha ha." Yep, you read correctly. Here's the link to the voice demo page for hours, possibly days of high quality cheap entertainment!

Anyway, I'm sure everyone has done this at some point, probably when they were eight. Cepstral definitely stirs things up though with the different personalities and options to change the voice. Definitely. Right? Or maybe it's the exact same thing I was doing when I was eight yet I still laugh like a hyena when I hear a robot say the word "poop." Regardless, to me Cepstral is a reminder that poop will always be hilarious. Peepee too.

Boulder Campsite (Glacier National Park, MT)

This may be one of the most picturesque places to poop.  It is a simple poophole (with "collapsible backrest/toilet cover"!) at a designated campsite right near Boulder Pass in Glacier National Park.  I wish I could say that I've pooped there, but I'm merely posing in the photo...I just didn't have to take a shit at the time.  I didn't actually stay at the campsite either, I hiked through it after coming over the pass.  Restroom assured I will be back there one day to drop a prodigious deucester!